your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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