i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
you made out with another girl for some wings
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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