Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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