During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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