i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
