: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
