just survived the first fart of the relationship.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I don't deserve a penis
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
