I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
