Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
