I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
