Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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