i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
