Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
