I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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