i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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