Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
