The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
