the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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