Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
