Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Randomize
