Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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