i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
high people should be assigned attendants
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
