God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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