so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
