I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Randomize
