i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
