You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
