i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
