I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
