you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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