The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
