I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
