hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
