I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
