is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
