Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
