The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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