I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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