Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
