Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I wear drunk well.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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