you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
