Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
