only if we run a train.
done.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
