I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
