Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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