Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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