The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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