so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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