Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Randomize
