Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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