That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I could make wine with my vomit
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
