I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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