Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
