Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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